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It was in those unstructured conversations that I could be typing so fast my guard came down.
“It was pleasurable to meet new people and learn that you were ‘attractive’ somehow,” Katz recalls.
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Marla M12 was instant-messaging me a guide to phone sex: “Practice saying things like, ‘You make me so hot’ …
the basics can be extraordinarily arousing when they’re said out of context or in a different situation.” For women like me who were teens and preteens in the late 1990s and early 2000s, that “different situation” was AIM (AOL Instant Messenger).
“Teens used the service to flirt through text, engaging in a form of written flirtation that looked a lot more like letter-writing practices decades before,” says Danah Boyd, author of “It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens.” That written flirtation allowed young women to construct their identities as carefully as their away messages. But online, my friends and I who fashioned ourselves as budding intellectuals who didn’t need to always talk like characters in a Woody Allen movie.
Another friend recalled the time a boy we knew from school told us to get drunk while we chatted.
“Do you remember what it felt like for a relative stranger to be like: ‘I see you’? It felt like cartwheeling down a moving walkway, going with the flow and yet still sticking the landing.
But developing a sexual identity was as difficult as choosing a screen name.
But some things are still hard to do, and maybe they’ll only get harder the more digital intermediaries pop up, giving us alternatives to face-to-face intimacy.
A few months ago, a friend from graduate school asked if I wanted to Gchat (which has since folded into Google Hangouts). Vulnerable women used to be suspected of witchcraft.